The 3-Point Therapist by Hilary A. Davies

Author:Hilary A. Davies
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Karnac Books
Published: 2011-04-10T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

FUNNY THAT/FUNNY THIS

When she met again with the 3-Point Therapist exactly one week later, the trainee was pleased but confused.

“ I thought a lot more about the Barker family and the meeting of which I told you last week. It seemed that all I really did was ask them a couple of questions and gain information about them and what they had already done”

“And?” queried the therapist simply.

“ Well, what happened then was that they told me that their real problem was that they had never agreed between them on how to manage their son's behaviour, though they seemed to me to have tried everything. There was nothing that I could add and again I felt pretty useless and helpless.“

“How do you think the parents were feeling?”

“ They told me that they had been feeling completely useless and helpless. Funny that, I seemed to have been feeling the same as them.”

“Yes, funny that, but maybe useful information, do you think?”

“ Yes, maybe” replied the trainee slowly and thoughtfully.

“So what do you think happened in the session?”

“ Well, I thought of you saying ‘Prepare to listen, and I concentrated so hard on what the parents were saying as they quarrelled about all the different ways to manage theirson's behaviour that the next question was clear. I was not really quite sure where the questions came from, but after I asked, ‘What has worked best for you?’ and ‘What do you think has prevented your strategies fom working?’, everything seemed to change fom there.”

“Tell me what happened and what you think you did.”

“ They told me that most important for them was to work together and find a mutual and consistent way of managing their son's behaviour. They thought that this would make the biggest difference to them. They said that the meeting had clarified for them how much they argued and differed in their approaches. They thought that was the worst possible situation for their son and for them all as a family.”

“And so what did you say?”

“ Well, I thought of you again and said, ‘It seems to me that you are really the experts in managing your son's behaviour but that you have been unable to agree between you on which methods to use. Go away and talk together about how you are going to find an agreed way. Come back and tell me about it exactly two weeks from today. And they left.

“I think they were feeling much better when they left. I noticed that they were holding hands as they walked out of the hospital!“

“Probably felt better as you had supported their strengths and expertise. You had importantly not overwhelmed them with your own.”

“ Yes, and when I thought about this later, I concluded, funny this, that I had been considerably more use to them by knowing nothing compared to their knowledge andexperience of which they had so much. If I had thought that I had the answers, that I was the expert in the child and tried to make suggestions, I would clearly have been much less helpful to them.

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